I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
