u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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