well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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