Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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