i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
