He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
