tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
