He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
