Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
