he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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