I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
