I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
