He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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