ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let's get the cat blown out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
