i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
