2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't deserve a penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
