Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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