I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
