She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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