Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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