I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
