i was born a porn star she said
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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