I showed him my bush... on skype.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
