i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize