So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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