I can text with my tongue
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
