Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i already hear my dad disowning me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
