she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
