Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
