i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
