At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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