my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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