I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
