Your face is a jimmy john
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
