Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
