Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
