i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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