I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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