i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
