just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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