totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
