Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize