I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
