who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's never too late to be topless.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
