OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
