Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
