I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
