Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
