Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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