Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
