So drunk its hurt
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
