To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
