i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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