I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
