quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
