I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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