There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
