...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
