You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
