it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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