Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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