What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
