we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
