dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
