So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
