I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize