Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
