Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
