With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
