I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
