So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
