my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's blow job season.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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