In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we're making bets on your personal life
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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