Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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