Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I deserve this hangover.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
