Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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