Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
