You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
