Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
