whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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