For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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