one two three fourrrrnication!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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