Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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