I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
