Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
