At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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