ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
