i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
