Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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