last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
