no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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