the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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