I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
