i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
